11
Jul

The Body Image Project – “without even a blemish”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 11.

This is my mole.

20150711_133926+

It is big.  It is flappy and brown and pronounced.

It is so big, the purple strap of my shirt just there gets caught on it.  My necklace gets caught on it.  My hair gets caught on it.

Some people think it’s gross.

Most people who see it (and are ballsy enough to speak up) ask me “have you considered getting that removed?”  The kids I know (and other people who lack the need for tact) tell me “WILL YOU PLEASE GET THAT THING CUT OFF.”  The Mr. asks me, “Has it started talking to you yet?”  My three year old nephew spied it, stopped speaking mid-sentence, paused for a moment, and said “I think I need to get that.”

He spent the next two minutes fingering my mole, our conversation abandoned.

“GET IT OFF.  It won’t come off.”Read More

11
Jul

The Body Image Project – “face forward”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 10.

I can honestly say, of all the photos and body parts examined during The Body Image Project, this post makes me the most nervous.

I don’t want to write it.

I REALLY don’t want to take the picture.

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point in the past 15 years my face changed shape.

It is now completely, 100% NOT symmetrical.

20150710_170742

As a perfectionist, THIS DRIVES ME INSANE.

As a woman, this makes me feel absolutely unattractive.

As a used-to-be-victim of serious, severe acne, this reinforces the conviction “don’t ever let anyone see your face ever again, HIDE THAT SHIT.”

I wish I could express to you the level of anxiety I feel when I look at that picture.  We’ve worked through skin and lips in The Body Image Project, so I’m (kind of, more every day) okay with those aspects of my face, but still.

I don’t just feel anxious, I feel FEAR.

Legitimate, deep-seated, borderline panic.Read More

10
Jul

The Body Image Project – “bees knees”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 9.

When I was a kid, people called me “Chicken Legs.”

I get it, now, why they did that.  I have grown a child in my own image, and her knees are just as knobby and bumpy and walnutty as mine were at the same age.

This is Norah, age 9.

20150709_154608

Cute roundy little walnuts.  :)

In my head, my knees still look like that.  Or at least, I feel like they’re supposed to.  In my head, no matter how warped and messed up it makes me, my knees are supposed to look the same as my nine year old daughter’s.  They are supposed to look just like they did when I was 21 and 112 pounds.

They are supposed to look pre-pubescent, completely fat free, bony, and thin.

Skinny.

As an anorexic, there are a few places on your body where you can most easily judge your starvation progress.

Collar bones.  Elbows.  Wrists.  Hips, on the side, and pelvis in the front.  Pubic bone.  Ribs.  Cheekbones, jaw, chin.

And knees.Read More

08
Jul

The Body Image Project – “back up”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 8.

“Boofers.”

My sister and I call them boofers.

Boofers, as defined by my sister and myself, is the wad of fat on both sides of the back, found just above the hip and waistband, along the back rim of the pelvis.  Most women over the age of puberty have them.  I do, for sure.  You probably do, too.

Here, I’ll show you.

20150708_154657

I’m not sure how or when we came up with the name, but I’ve always known what they are.

ALWAYS.Read More

07
Jul

The Body Image Project – “give me any lip”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 7.

This is my beautiful Norah.  She is my first kid and my only daughter.

283067_2288922664185_1356657_n

Not to be all “mom” or whatever, but I think she’s gorgeous.

This is my beautiful sister.  I am older by two years.  She is prettier by two million light years.

168658_10150127904603162_6962418_n

Do you see the resemblance between these two lovelies?

I do.  Every day.

Not only are these two ladies alike in temperament (spunky, charismatic, kind, intelligent, creative, funny, people-loving, extrovert socialites), they are alike in appearance as well.

Wide set eyes.  Dark lashes.  Pug noses, long legs, broad shoulders.

AND THE LIPS.Read More

06
Jul

The Body Image Project – “on the nose”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 6.

So THESE are my siblings.  (That’s me in the purple hair.)  The other two lovelies are my brother and sister, both younger in age.

10509553_10100420010702373_7629034695922317262_n (1)

We are half Japanese, and between the three of us we actually fill almost every Japanese stereotype.

Wicked smart. (Sean.)
Artistically creative.  (All three of us.)
Exotic looking.  (Kari.)
Wide feet.  (ALL OF US OMG.)
Cutthroat business acumen.  (Kari and me.)
Alabaster skin.  (Me.  No, I am not wearing white pantyhose.)
Thighs like a speed skater.  (Kari, Sean.)
Good with all things electronic.  (Sean.  Wrote computer code before age 10.)
Forehead like Mt. Fuji.  (All three of us, and that actually is a compliment.)

AND

Tiny, dainty, button noses.

THOSE TWO.  NOT ME.Read More

07
Apr

How to Eat to Live, not Live to Eat – 5 Tips to Eat Without Emotion

Topic / disordered eating

Someone once told me, “You binge and starve because you don’t understand food.  Food is fuel, it is not emotional.  You can’t feel food.  Stop making it more than what it is.  Stop making it harder than it needs to be.  Just eat what your body needs and leave the rest.”

My eyebrows shot up to my hairline.  My ears caught fire.  Even now as I write this, I rage.  Outwardly I replied with “….um okay, whatever,” but in my head I was stabbing this person in the neck with a sharp cookie.  “CAN YOU FEEL THE FOOD NOW?!”

I can.  I always can.

Those in the WLR community know the rule.  Weight loss and healthy living are 20% exercise, 80% diet and nutrition.  Pretty simple.  The rule is not based in observation or opinion, but in scientific fact.  No matter how you feel about it, food makes up 80% of your weight loss success or failure.

No matter how you feel about it.

As a disordered eater, therein lies the struggle.

I can work out.  I lift heavy free weights with the big boys.  I am happy to play pickup games in the gym all day long, ride a bike, crank a jagged rock face.  I can work and sweat until Niagara Falls runs off my face, darkens my shirt, and soaks my underpants.  I can run lines, run intervals, use the stair mill until I can’t lift my feet off the floor.  I grew up doing farm work – cross fit and the content of Spartan races are what we called “weekend chores.”

Working out is easy.

Eating right is hard.Read More

Search

CATAGORIES

Popular

RECENT

Feeling worthless and empty?

Dive in and get the first eBook, FREE.

peternak hebat Download Rpp dan Silabus Leh Uga Download Lagu Kay Mp3 Kay Media Hosting Murah