09
Aug

Control is Feeding Your Food Addiction – a mental path to recovery

I am a control freak.  I am also a recovering addict.  (These two things are not mutually exclusive.)

They say the first step of the 12 Steps is the hardest one. They aren’t kidding.

“I admit that I am powerless over my addiction, that my life has become unmanageable.”

So far, I have leaned back into Step 1 no less than 138 times. I have to continually revisit it, remind myself of it every day.  After that much practice, you’d think it would get easier.

It does, but not a whole lot.

Not one time have I recited step one that it doesn’t pinch a little bit.

I hate being powerless.  I hate being not in control.

As I’ve learned (and still learn every day), control is a paradox. It contradicts itself. The more you try to have it, the less of it you have. What you attempt to control soon controls you, dominating your thoughts and feelings and life.Read More

17
Aug

How to Recover from Addiction – 4 Truths that will Change Your Life

Not too long ago, a Facebook post by James Fell ran through my newsfeed.  (If you don’t follow him, you should.  He’s pretty great.)

Here’s what he had to say.

james fell sugar addiction

The comments were, as you could probably guess, reactive.Read More

08
Jun

Addicted to Love – When People are Your Fix

If you’re anything like me, I had heard the term “codependent” hundreds of times.

Whenever I’d hear that word, I’d picture two people who neeeeeeeeeeed each other, like a pair of mutually parasitic leeches sucking the life out of one another, “plus drama.”

Thelma and Louise, driving off a cliff.

tumblr_inline_mlb78gETg61qz4rgp

[how powerful and profound.  i almost forget they’re driving off to kill themselves.]

Romeo and Juliet, as she stabbed herself while clinging to his lifeless body.

Two weak, whiney, teenage kids making sad, crying suckface with each other, covered in emo makeup, grasping black fingernailed hands.

“I can’t live without you, I LOVE YOU SO HARD that I have to kill you and then kill myself.  I DIE ONE THOUSAND TIMES”

Me, to myself:  “Lame.  No way I’m THAT.  I’m stronger than that.  I’m independent and smart.  No way, no way.”

In 2014, I found a therapist.  I was fighting my way back from rock bottom, recovering from addiction, and healing from a marriage that uprooted truckfulls of rotting garbage when divorce yanked it from my life.

At the time, I was pretty proud of myself for seeking help. Now I think, “omg DUH, mental garbage all over the furniture, I needed a crew of help.”Read More

03
Jun

Fix your Habit – 5 Tips to Hold Back a Binge

It’s allergy season.

I live in the sagebrush dotted hills of Yakima Valley in Eastern Washington State.  ‘Having allergies’ is no small thing.

We are a city of farms and crops and flowers and trees, so pollen.  We’re practically a desert, if it weren’t for irrigation, so dust.  Also animals, “because farms,” so dander.  Once the scorching summer sun comes out in full force the weeds take off like wildfire, which means more pollen.  The ragweed kind.

omg allergies.

To be fair, I don’t suffer as bad as some, but in my old(er) age (wtf total bs) I have developed a Goliath histamine response.  From late April until late June, I’m Seven Dwarves all by myself – sneezy, watery, sleepy, cranky, runny, itchy, bitchy, and for the most part a completely unpleasant person to spend time with.

When my allergies get really bad, I stop listening to people when they talk.  I spend half my time at work staring into space, the other half blowing my body weight in boogers out my nose.

I can’t focus, I can’t pay attention, because I’m too busy wishing I could shove a puffy pipe cleaner down my throat and out my schnoz (like the crazy-eyed middle school kid did with spaghetti in the lunch room), then grab both ends and give them hell, just to itch the spot inside my head that doesn’t stop itching for three months.

ALLERGIES.

I can hear you now.

[“Um… just take an allergy pill.  They do make those, you know.”]

Yes, yes they do.

Trouble is, I’m also an addict.

PILLS are a problem for me.Read More

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