08
Jun

Addicted to Love – When People are Your Fix

Topic / addiction and recovery, mental health

If you’re anything like me, I had heard the term “codependent” hundreds of times.

Whenever I’d hear that word, I’d picture two people who neeeeeeeeeeed each other, like a pair of mutually parasitic leeches sucking the life out of one another, “plus drama.”

Thelma and Louise, driving off a cliff.

tumblr_inline_mlb78gETg61qz4rgp

[how powerful and profound.  i almost forget they’re driving off to kill themselves.]

Romeo and Juliet, as she stabbed herself while clinging to his lifeless body.

Two weak, whiney, teenage kids making sad, crying suckface with each other, covered in emo makeup, grasping black fingernailed hands.

“I can’t live without you, I LOVE YOU SO HARD that I have to kill you and then kill myself.  I DIE ONE THOUSAND TIMES”

Me, to myself:  “Lame.  No way I’m THAT.  I’m stronger than that.  I’m independent and smart.  No way, no way.”

In 2014, I found a therapist.  I was fighting my way back from rock bottom, recovering from addiction, and healing from a marriage that uprooted truckfulls of rotting garbage when divorce yanked it from my life.

At the time, I was pretty proud of myself for seeking help. Now I think, “omg DUH, mental garbage all over the furniture, I needed a crew of help.”Read More

12
May

How to Love Yourself – Five Selfcare Tips for the Busy Mom

Topic / love and relationships, mental health

Self-Care and the “No Time for Bullshit” Mom – How to Love Yourself, Practically

A couple of years ago, I was invited to attend an “Entrepreneurial Women in Leadership” luncheon.

If I can help it, I avoid gender specific events.  I prefer to attend functions based on the content, not the attendees, and I have zero effs to give as to the male-female mix of a room.

Because the invitation to the luncheon triggered an eye roll, I accepted it.  Usually the stuff that makes me irritated, angry, or upset is the stuff I should be focusing on.  I want to be better, so I decided to put in the effort.

I adjusted my attitude, signed up, and a few weeks later I attended.Read More

18
Mar

How To Be a Lady – 21 Lost Ladylike Behaviors That We Really Need Today

Topic / love and relationships

Last week I read an article titled “21 Gentleman Traditions That Still Apply Today.”

Being self-appointed Internet Accuracy Police (especially on the days that start with p-week), I thought “Huh. We’ll just see about that.”

I read it. I agreed with all 21 points. I agreed so much, in fact, I may have swooned. The points of manliness discussed were accurate and absolute truth, and I wish the man I love (who is already great) would do a few more of them.

Not to be outdone, and as an advocate for the abolition of hypocrisy, I thought it would be best to create a complimentary list for us women. A list that teaches us to be more than what we are, by being everything we used to be. A list that encourages us to become a complimentary counterpart to the masculine companionship we desire, and challenges us to be better.

This is an article about being a lady, a woman who exhibits traits of self-respect, politeness, culture, decor, propriety, respect, manners, modesty, and elegance.

old_fashioned_woman_by_audraw

21 Lost Ladylike Behaviors That We Really Need Today

1. She accepts chivalry.
When a man (or anyone) opens the door for her, she accepts it as a gesture of kindness and says “Thank you.” She does not read into it, assume he’s trying to make her look bad, take it as an implication of stupidity, or believe he’s trying to prove that she’s weak. Men are created to fight for a treasure and then keep it safe. She wants to be a treasure, so she acts like one.Read More

26
Feb

How to Love Your Body – photos and fear

Topic / The Body Image Project

For those of you that follow, you’ll know all about this.

The Body Image Project

goal

Through this Project, you will construct a deeper level of comfort with and acceptance of your body.  When executed as intended, the Project will help you to develop a relationship with your body that is positive, welcoming, peaceful, and harmonious.

procedure

To participate in The Body Image Project, take photos of your body every day, according to the schedule below.  Once you have taken your daily picture, look at it.  REALLY LOOK.  Think about the part of your body you’ve photographed, then sit in meditation or write out answers to the questions that follow.Read More

17
Feb

How to Create a Great Life – Sprinkles and Cake Batter

Topic / mental health

Let’s say your life, upon completion, ends up looking something like this.

life cake

[Yes, that’s a cake.]

…mmmmm….cake….

Our lives, no matter how we choose to live them, are an addition of experiences, choices, actions, intentions, people, and feelings.  Like ingredients, we mix these things together to create something we hope turns out wonderful.

Your life is a cake, and you are the baker.

Read More

05
Aug

The Body Image Project – “chicken legs”

Topic / The Body Image Project

August 5.

So, I’ve got long legs.

I’ve got REALLY long legs.  For my height, 29.7″ is the average inseam length.

Mine is 34″.

[And because I know you’ll ask, average inseam for a female is about 45% of her total height.  I am 66″ tall, .45 x 66 = 29.7″.  I geek out now.  Math is good.]

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last month thinking about my body.  I’ve dissected it apart, taken photographs, talked about all the things I’ve found.  I’ve done some great introspection as to the parts of me I don’t like, and I’ve learned more about why I don’t like those parts.

For the most part, the only parts of me that are left to talk about are the ones I actually like.

As it turns out, writing and examining the parts of me I like is almost harder than dealing with the parts I don’t.

I would guess that for most of us habitual body-haters, talking about our good parts is hard.  I spent a lot of years hating myself, and during the darkest parts of self-disgust I did not one time praise myself for my …well, for anything.

Why is that, do you think?  Why do we do that?

I’m sure I could have found SOMETHING nice to say about myself.  I’m sure, if I’d looked, I would have found one physical attribute to praise.

I didn’t even look.

I didn’t even TRY.Read More

26
Jul

The Body Image Project – “tough as nails”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 26.

If you had to pick five words that best describe you, what would they be?

Most of us would be tempted to answer that question with the five things we WISH we were.  “I’ll say the five things I want to be true the most.  Then they can just BE true.  Everyone else will buy it, they’ll see me like that.  I just know it.  SEE, I’M CHANGED, all I had to do was change what everyone else saw.  They’re buying it, I’m sure of it.”  

Maybe, but usually not.  When we lie about who we are the only person we truly deceive is ourselves.

Not too long ago, the five words to describe the person I wish I was, and the five words to describe the person I actually am would have been different.  Depending on how honest I was being with myself, the answers would be VERY different.  I wanted to be strong and capable, powerful and intelligent.  I wanted to be confident.

I don’t know that I told anyone I WAS those things, so you might think I wasn’t a liar, but I was.

I was a liar, and I was a liar of the worst kind.

I lied to myself.

Every day, all the time, I lied to myself about who and what I was.  I told myself I was strong, but I wasn’t.  I told myself I was brave, but I wasn’t.

What I REALLY was, was afraid.  Insecure.  Doubtful.  Self-destructive.  Angry.  Self-hating.

Sad.

I was really, really sad.Read More

24
Jul

The Body Image Project – “injury”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 23.

Yesterday I noticed a small, red, itchy bump on my inner, left thigh.

“I think I got bit by something.  STUPID BUGS.”  Also “This had better not be a flea, or I’m going to burn the house down with the cat inside.”

(We fought fleas for three months in the house “because cat.”  All better now, it’s not a flea bite.  House and cat are safe.)

(I still hate fleas.)

The bump was almost insignificant for most of the day yesterday.  I noticed it when I sat down to eat dinner, because when I cross my legs it puts pressure on the bump and it starts to itch, but otherwise “no bigs.”

This morning, it was bigger.

This afternoon, it was MORE bigger.Read More

22
Jul

The Body Image Project – “baby cows”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 22.

Of all the parts of my body, my legs take the cake for confidence.

I have always liked my legs.

Also, saying that out loud feels weird.

Culturally speaking, we women have been taught (we have taught us, sadface) that talking about ourselves in a positive way is a no no.

…well, wait.  FIRST we’re not supposed to talk about ourselves at all.  Not directly, anyways.  We can talk about how we react to those around us, but not JUST us.  SECOND, we’re supposed to talk about everyone else.  And what they’re doing and who they’re with and how they parent their kids and how fat they got after the baby, and who their husband is sleeping with and how unhappy the marriage is and how bad their cooking is and every other negative we can think about someone else so we feel better.

THEN, finally, if we run out of things to talk about, before our conversation with whoever-it-is-whatever-person slips into scary silence, we talk about ourselves.

When we do, we’re supposed to pull ourselves apart.

SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE:  LAUNCH.Read More

21
Jul

The Body Image Project – “lap it up”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 21.

I love kids.

LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Someone once asked me “What’s your impossible dream?”  In other words, outside of reality and the confines of human existence, what would you want to do?  What would you BE?

Before I had kids, I answered this question only one way.

“SUPERPOWERS.”  (Duh.)

Batman’s bravery plus Superman’s …everything, plus Wonder Woman’s combat and weapon training (and amazing boobs and tin foil bracelets, super duh), plus Optimus Prime bad-assery, plus Nightcrawler’s ability to teleport, plus Jean Grey’s telekinesis, Flash’s speed, Aquaman’s under-water-ness (because I’m a mermaid in my dreams) and the ability to turn will into reality like Green Lantern.

omg that would be so amazing.

(I am totally geeking out right now.  WHY DO I NOT HAVE ALL THOSE THINGS.)

Except then I had kids, and my answer changed.  Read More

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