25
Nov

Ten Rules for Making Change in your Home and Marriage – “How to Forge Depth”

When you walk into your home at the end of the day, how does it feel?  Are you happy to be there?  When you’re at work, do you feel excited to return home to your family, or do you wish you could stretch your day a little longer?

Not so long ago, I lived in some pretty crappy conditions.  The house I lived in was quite nice; it had a yard for the kids to play in, there was comfy furniture in the living area and the kitchen was well lit.  I’m a neatfreak, so the house was always clean, and there were plenty of shelves and closets to tuck away our belongings.  All in all, the physical state of our home was great.

Still, it was crappy.

Although the house itself and our living space was comfortable, my home was not.  There were some people living in my space that changed the culture of our home, and the culture was almost total crap.

I hated coming home.

“Home” is not the building you live in, or the space you occupy.  “Home” is made up of the people inside, and of the relationships between those people.  Collectively, the relationships in your home define your home’s culture.  The culture of your home can be good or bad, positive or negative, common or foreign, but it is as unique as the people that create it.
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29
Oct

How To Make It Never Your Fault – The Rule of Accountability

blog - never my fault

When I was a kid, I was raised with pretty simple ideals.

Be polite.  Be real.  Focus only on things that make you better, things that expand your mind, and things that are a good use of your time.  Tell the truth.  Be kind.   Say what you mean, and mean what you say.  Do what you say you’re going to do, even when it’s hard, even when no one is watching.  Fulfill your commitments.  Be on time.  Watch your words, for the words you speak decide for others who you are.  Be responsible for yourself.  Pick up your own mess.  Dress in a way that exemplifies your character.  Leave everything better than how you found it.  Stand up for yourself.  Stand up for others.  Life is 10% what happens and 90% how we react to it.  Choose  a positive attitude.  Treat others with love, grace, and respect, no matter what.

SIMPLE.  Good.  All good things.  All good ideas, all good beliefs.  If I were to read you these ideals one at a time, I doubt you’d have a problem with any of them.  These are the kinds of things we raise our kids to believe, the personality and character traits we hope others see in us.  When I die, I want people to say I did all these things.

Except now, it seems to me that life and relationships are getting way more complicated.

As dumb as it is, these simple ideals all have caveats.  Conditionals.  Every single one of them has an “except” added to it.
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24
Oct

Be Strong for your Break-Up – Finding Courage When the End is Near

Everything dies.

EVERYTHING.

[I can hear you now.  “Wow, THAT’S depressing.  I don’t like to think about dying.”]

Yeah, me neither.  But it happens, and it happens to EVERYTHING.

TV shows.  My Space.  The last job you had, for you right now, is dead.  Our relationships.  People we love.  Friendships.  Lovers.  Homes, families.  Marriages.  Careers.  Fame, celebrity status, talents, skills, physical abilities.  Mental capacity.  All things have their seasons, and for any single thing under the sun there is a time for it to live, and a time for it to die.

[“Yeah, I’m officially depressed.  Thanks a lot.”]

ME TOO.  Sorry.  But keep reading.  It gets better.
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13
Aug

Foreign Currency – How to Get Your Point Across to Someone Who Doesn’t Understand

Have you ever had a really bad boss?

I’m sure that if we all sat down and compared notes we could come up with some great stories.  Bad bosses are what movies are made of.  We love to hate them, and we all relate because we’ve all been there.  We’ve all had at least one.

My “bad boss” story is actually rather boring.  Her name was Karen.*  She wasn’t BAD, per say, we just didn’t get along.  She was good at her actual job, I think… she must have been, since she was promoted regularly and earned routine bonuses.  Still, though, she was not a good boss for ME.

…and if we’re honest, that’s how it is, right?  Conflict is not just about that one person you have it with, it’s about the dynamic between TWO.  Both of you.  A bad relationship isn’t just about one person, it’s about two people.  My mom always used to say “It takes two to tango,” and she was right.

And Karen and I tangoed.  A lot.  Over the course of several years we had a couple big blowouts, some of them epic in tone and size.

One specific confrontation in particular comes to mind, a confrontation for which the mere memory makes steam roll out my ears.
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12
Aug

The Human Currencies

This list of Human Currencies explains some of the most valued character traits among people.  While this list is not exhaustive, it is quite encompassing and covers most traits that are felt by most people.

To learn why these traits matter, and to figure out how to use them, read here.

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21
Feb

How to Listen to Annoying Kids – Listening Through The Noise

listen (v):

1. to give attention with the ear
2. to pay attention, to heed
3. to wait attentively for a sound
4. to convey a particular impression to the one hearing

As a Grower of People, this definition makes me laugh.

If you’re not sure what the difference is between hearing and listening, you are cordially invited to my house for dinner. You’ll pull up a chair, we’ll all dig in, then I’ll bring up the topic of “passing gas” with the four year old. Give the conversation three minutes to gather steam, then try to change the subject.

Unless you come prepared with a live monkey for a prop, I can guarantee you MIGHT be heard, but you will for sure not be listened to.
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06
Feb

How to Pay Attention – Be Heard and Learn to Hear

Do you know how to listen?

I’m not always great at listening. As a mother, I have mastered the art of selective hearing, which in turn makes it really, really hard to listen.

If you have kids, you know what I mean.
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