24
Oct

Be Strong for your Break-Up – Finding Courage When the End is Near

Everything dies.

EVERYTHING.

[I can hear you now.  “Wow, THAT’S depressing.  I don’t like to think about dying.”]

Yeah, me neither.  But it happens, and it happens to EVERYTHING.

TV shows.  My Space.  The last job you had, for you right now, is dead.  Our relationships.  People we love.  Friendships.  Lovers.  Homes, families.  Marriages.  Careers.  Fame, celebrity status, talents, skills, physical abilities.  Mental capacity.  All things have their seasons, and for any single thing under the sun there is a time for it to live, and a time for it to die.

[“Yeah, I’m officially depressed.  Thanks a lot.”]

ME TOO.  Sorry.  But keep reading.  It gets better.
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16
Jun

The Choice of Suicide – How to Cope with the Stupid Choices of Others

Sometimes life gets heavy.

Sometimes life gets REALLY, REALLY heavy, and all you can do to keep going is to get pissed.  GET MAD.  It helps.  The adrenaline and fury are like rocket fuel inside your head, and they will carry you through and over a lot of obstacles.

Just like any tank of fuel, though, it does run out eventually.

Yeah, the last week or so has kind of been like that.

I used to be married.  For ten years I was married.  On the outside our relationship looked great.  We attended church.  We had good friends.  We WERE good friends.  I was a good wife.  I kept the house clean, cooked, did laundry.  I did not complain about my position or station in our relationship; he was the head of the family and I was second-in-command.  All major decisions were made by him, financial, religious, spiritual, family, work.  I followed the Christian Creed, “wives submit to your husbands.”

I am a forgiving person.  I am a trusting person.  I let things go easily, as long as we’re willing to talk about it.

I let MOST things go easily.

Some things I just have a hard time with.  Some things I can’t easily let go of.
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03
Sep

Goodbye, My Dearest Ana – Quitting Anorexia

We met when I was really young.  I was really small when I heard my mom say she was fat, when I heard my dad tell me how lazy and gross people were that HAD fat.  Ana was there, then.  She held my hand tight and told me that no matter what, if I was with her I would never be THAT.  “Stick with me.  We’ll never be fat.”  Even though I didn’t need her help then, I always knew she was there.  She was my safety net.

At age seven and eight I started hearing praise for how skinny I was.  “You’re so small.  You’re so THIN.  LOOK AT HOW SKINNY YOUR LEGS ARE.”  Ana didn’t do much at that point to earn that praise, but she liked it.  It FED her.  She felt happiest when I heard such things.  I felt happiest when I heard such things.
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02
Sep

Letting Go of Addiction Hurts – Recovery and Grief

It’s been about six weeks.  For about six weeks I’ve been trying to say goodbye to Ana.

I just haven’t been able to do it.

And believe me, I’ve really been trying. The fact I’m talking about her AT ALL should indicate that I’m making progress.
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