18
May

How to Save Your Marriage – Five Ways to Show Respect

Topic / love and relationships

respect others, respect yourself

Hi. My name is Erin, and I am divorced.

Divorce isn’t all that surprising these days (sad), but the frequency with which it happens does not diminish it of drama.

When I hear people say “I’m divorced, we’re getting divorced,” my gut reaction is to ask (with all the drama of a girly, middle-school-tragedy-queen from Orange County), “Gaassssp…. OMG WHY?  What happened?  Did he cheat?  Did you cheat?  Give me the deets!”

We love drama, especially drama that isn’t ours, so today I’ll give you some of mine.  (grab some popcorn!)

In the beginning, our relationship was pretty great.  We got along.  We laughed and enjoyed one another’s company.  We liked the same kind of things, spent time with the same kind of people, had the same kind of dreams.

About a year and a half into our marriage, things changed.Read More

12
May

How to Love Yourself – Five Selfcare Tips for the Busy Mom

Topic / love and relationships, mental health

Self-Care and the “No Time for Bullshit” Mom – How to Love Yourself, Practically

A couple of years ago, I was invited to attend an “Entrepreneurial Women in Leadership” luncheon.

If I can help it, I avoid gender specific events.  I prefer to attend functions based on the content, not the attendees, and I have zero effs to give as to the male-female mix of a room.

Because the invitation to the luncheon triggered an eye roll, I accepted it.  Usually the stuff that makes me irritated, angry, or upset is the stuff I should be focusing on.  I want to be better, so I decided to put in the effort.

I adjusted my attitude, signed up, and a few weeks later I attended.Read More

30
Mar

How to Never be a Victim Again – Sexual Harassment and Seatbelts

Topic / mental health

A couple months ago, I went grocery shopping at Walmart in my black, Lulu yoga pants.

Commando.

BEFORE YOU EVEN ASK, “No.”   This is not a common occurrence.  I do not generally run around without underpants.  I am, in fact, a lover of underpants, and almost every pair of my underpants are of the granny variety.  I think they’re technically called “boy cut,” like men’s briefs only a bit slimmer through the hip, but still.  I have as much fabric in my underpants as I do in my sports bra.

[Sad, but absolutely true.  Itty Bitty Titty Committee founding member, call sign “Skittles.”]

i-accidentally-bought-granny-panties-but-damn-if-they-arent-comfy-as-shit-ac95aRead More

18
Mar

How To Be a Lady – 21 Lost Ladylike Behaviors That We Really Need Today

Topic / love and relationships

Last week I read an article titled “21 Gentleman Traditions That Still Apply Today.”

Being self-appointed Internet Accuracy Police (especially on the days that start with p-week), I thought “Huh. We’ll just see about that.”

I read it. I agreed with all 21 points. I agreed so much, in fact, I may have swooned. The points of manliness discussed were accurate and absolute truth, and I wish the man I love (who is already great) would do a few more of them.

Not to be outdone, and as an advocate for the abolition of hypocrisy, I thought it would be best to create a complimentary list for us women. A list that teaches us to be more than what we are, by being everything we used to be. A list that encourages us to become a complimentary counterpart to the masculine companionship we desire, and challenges us to be better.

This is an article about being a lady, a woman who exhibits traits of self-respect, politeness, culture, decor, propriety, respect, manners, modesty, and elegance.

old_fashioned_woman_by_audraw

21 Lost Ladylike Behaviors That We Really Need Today

1. She accepts chivalry.
When a man (or anyone) opens the door for her, she accepts it as a gesture of kindness and says “Thank you.” She does not read into it, assume he’s trying to make her look bad, take it as an implication of stupidity, or believe he’s trying to prove that she’s weak. Men are created to fight for a treasure and then keep it safe. She wants to be a treasure, so she acts like one.Read More

26
Feb

How to Love Your Body – photos and fear

Topic / The Body Image Project

For those of you that follow, you’ll know all about this.

The Body Image Project

goal

Through this Project, you will construct a deeper level of comfort with and acceptance of your body.  When executed as intended, the Project will help you to develop a relationship with your body that is positive, welcoming, peaceful, and harmonious.

procedure

To participate in The Body Image Project, take photos of your body every day, according to the schedule below.  Once you have taken your daily picture, look at it.  REALLY LOOK.  Think about the part of your body you’ve photographed, then sit in meditation or write out answers to the questions that follow.Read More

17
Feb

How to Create a Great Life – Sprinkles and Cake Batter

Topic / mental health

Let’s say your life, upon completion, ends up looking something like this.

life cake

[Yes, that’s a cake.]

…mmmmm….cake….

Our lives, no matter how we choose to live them, are an addition of experiences, choices, actions, intentions, people, and feelings.  Like ingredients, we mix these things together to create something we hope turns out wonderful.

Your life is a cake, and you are the baker.

Read More

14
Jan

How to Stop Overeating – Pasta and Poker – You Don’t Have to Eat it All

Topic / disordered eating, mental health

pasta

Have you ever played poker?

I love to play.  My dad taught me at a young age, and I grew up playing cards with uncles and cousins.

In the game of poker, there’s a term called “pot committed.”  All things considered, between the hand you’re holding, the other players you’re betting against, the stack of chips in front of you, and the amount of your stack you’ve already pushed into the pot, “pot committed” means one thing.

You HAVE to play.Read More

09
Oct

How to Hate Your Body – Scale Worship

Topic / mental health, The Body Image Project

I am a Body Dysmorphic.

In scientific terms, that means I am “characterized by persistent and intrusive preoccupations with an imagined or slight defect in my appearance.”  It means I struggle with anxiety and obsessive-compulsive thoughts about the way I look.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, it means I have a chronic mental illness.

(That should probably bother me, but it doesn’t really… I always knew I was a little bit crazy.)

In layman’s terms, Body Dysmorphia means “I don’t like my body.”  There are parts I would even say I hate.  I don’t hate all of the parts, just some.  And, those parts I hate, I spend a heck of a lot of time thinking about them.  They’re always there.  Whereas most (normal) people exist in their skin without giving their body much thought, I think about my body all. the. time.Read More

16
Sep

The Skill of “Good Enough” – Being Great, Just As You Are

Topic / mental health, The Body Image Project

So…  I’m kind of a perfectionist.

[I can hear the people who know me best, snorting and laughing.  My brother’s guffaws are loudest.  JUST SHUSH, BROTHER.  I KNOW.]

Really though, JUST KIND OF.  I’m kind of a perfectionist.

My brother’s laughter is not without warrant.  I used to be an over-the-top, anal retentive, angry, bossy, OCD, anxiety ridden, control freak perfectionist.  I’m not anymore.  [Seriously guys, really.]  

After years and years of driving myself into the dirt, setting personal goals to deliver the world and then feeling like a failure if I didn’t OVERdeliver the whole effing universe, hating myself for never living up to what I could be instead of what I AM, I got tired of it.

Sure, there are still things that I get clenchy about.

Like making my bed.  I can go from zero to bitchface in the same amount of time it takes a small child to jump into my halfway-made bed, which (I have found) is less than one second.  I like straight, tight sheets and covers, pillows plumped just right, cases clean and all facing the same direction.  Once the bed is made I don’t expect it to stay that way, but while I’m making it, BACK OFF.

I like my closet arranged “just so.”  I arrange all the shirts on matching hangers, facing the same direction, in order of sleeve length and sub-categorized by color, partially because it makes me happy, but also because I can tell simply by looking which shirts are in the laundry, and what color laundry needs to be done next.

Read More

27
Aug

The Fear of Fat and Ugly

Topic / mental health, The Body Image Project

This last weekend, I attended a personal development workshop.

There were 25 of us in attendance.  We filled one small meeting room.  For the duration of the event, I was seated next to and paired with a delightful woman.  Her name is Kate.  She offers personal coaching, owns her own business(es), and is raising a BE.YOOTIFUL. little girl, all by herself.  Kate is a powerhouse of a human being, independent, strong, outspoken, and she lives her life louder than any other woman I’ve ever met.  I was in awe of her at first sight (and a little intimidated, to be honest), and my awe deepened as I got to know her over our few days together.

Kate’s sense of style cannot be overstated.  For the event, she was wearing a little black dress and super cute, wedge heels.  We worked together as partners throughout the day, and every time I was asked to turn and look at her face I was impressed.  I would turn toward her, take in her genuine smile, the frenzy of intelligence behind her eyes, and the don’t-let-the-serious-topic-fool-you-I-am-a-bad-ass gold, hoop piercing in her nose, and I had the same thought every time.

“Damn.”

EVERY TIME.  Same thought.

“Damn.”

(I also thought “great rack, amazing eyelashes, I love the bangs,” and every time I hugged her I immensely enjoyed her curvy goodness, but yes.  Mostly just “…DAMN.”)

At one point in my not-so-distant past, sitting next to Lovely Kate would have made me want to hide.  (Seriously.  She’s so amazing.)  She is confident.  She is absolutely GIRL.  She is intelligent, feminine, sexy, strong.  She is, in my mind, what I should probably want to be.  The put-together, intentional, presidential persona she so successfully displays is what every professional, confident woman should strive for.

…yeaaaaahhh………

I’m so, so, so, SO SO SO not like Kate.Read More

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