12
Jun

The Mind of A Disordered Eater – Accepting The Reality of an Anorexic-Bulimic

“You will never eat like you used to for the rest of your life. Until you come to accept that, you will NEVER be successful. Going on a super regimented program in which someone or a piece of paper dictates to you exactly what to eat and when, and in what quantities and how, will never give you the lasting results you’re looking for. You can’t look at a diet and think ‘ok, I can do this for six weeks’, that mentality is doomed for failure EVERY SINGLE TIME. If you see a fitness program as something to do temporarily so you can look great and then revert back to your old ways, you just aren’t getting it.”   – Meg, “Fit Bitch”

My first thought when I read this post was “Well…  …shit.  AND DAMNIT!!”  (…actually to be totally honest, because that’s the goal here, my FIRST thought was “UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!”  THEN that other thing.)  As an anorexic-bulimic, at LEAST 25 years of my life could be summed up by that exact mentality.

“My pants are tight, I need to lose some weight.”  Then I just stop eating for 3 days and it’s fine.

“My pants fit fine, I’ve been good, I can eat what I want.”  Then I head to the kitchen and eat something-salty-something-sweet-repeat until I ache with pain and pleasure.

The life of an ana-mia is a tragic and deluded one.  We think that we’re something we’re not.  We think people see things that only we can see, and most of the things we see are figments of our imagination.  We think there isn’t any problem, no matter how big or small, that cannot be put in perspective with a three-day fast or a four-hour power binge.

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