13
Jul

The Body Image Project – “thigh gap”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 12

If there were ever any popular female aesthetic trend to take the prize for “stupid,” thigh gap has to be it.

It took me a while to decide whether I wanted to write this article at all.  Part of me feels that thigh gap deserves no acknowledgement, it is seriously that stupid, but after some consideration I decided to include it.

I might not give even one rat’s ass about thigh gap, but others do.

To those of you that disregard thigh gap comments or concerns in the same way you would the weather in China, HIGH FIVE.  Well done.  Keep doing what you’re doing, because you’re doing it right.

To those of you that hear thigh gap comments or concerns and sigh, roll your eyes, feel steam roll out  your ears, or are overcome by a sense of irritation that rivals lemon juice in a canker sore, FIST BUMP.  I do the same.

To the rest of you…  Just read.

Thigh gap is, without any doubt, the worst measure of anything healthy.

It is the worst measure of anything PERIOD.Read More

11
Jul

The Body Image Project – “without even a blemish”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 11.

This is my mole.

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It is big.  It is flappy and brown and pronounced.

It is so big, the purple strap of my shirt just there gets caught on it.  My necklace gets caught on it.  My hair gets caught on it.

Some people think it’s gross.

Most people who see it (and are ballsy enough to speak up) ask me “have you considered getting that removed?”  The kids I know (and other people who lack the need for tact) tell me “WILL YOU PLEASE GET THAT THING CUT OFF.”  The Mr. asks me, “Has it started talking to you yet?”  My three year old nephew spied it, stopped speaking mid-sentence, paused for a moment, and said “I think I need to get that.”

He spent the next two minutes fingering my mole, our conversation abandoned.

“GET IT OFF.  It won’t come off.”Read More

11
Jul

The Body Image Project – “face forward”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 10.

I can honestly say, of all the photos and body parts examined during The Body Image Project, this post makes me the most nervous.

I don’t want to write it.

I REALLY don’t want to take the picture.

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point in the past 15 years my face changed shape.

It is now completely, 100% NOT symmetrical.

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As a perfectionist, THIS DRIVES ME INSANE.

As a woman, this makes me feel absolutely unattractive.

As a used-to-be-victim of serious, severe acne, this reinforces the conviction “don’t ever let anyone see your face ever again, HIDE THAT SHIT.”

I wish I could express to you the level of anxiety I feel when I look at that picture.  We’ve worked through skin and lips in The Body Image Project, so I’m (kind of, more every day) okay with those aspects of my face, but still.

I don’t just feel anxious, I feel FEAR.

Legitimate, deep-seated, borderline panic.Read More

10
Jul

The Body Image Project – “bees knees”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 9.

When I was a kid, people called me “Chicken Legs.”

I get it, now, why they did that.  I have grown a child in my own image, and her knees are just as knobby and bumpy and walnutty as mine were at the same age.

This is Norah, age 9.

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Cute roundy little walnuts.  :)

In my head, my knees still look like that.  Or at least, I feel like they’re supposed to.  In my head, no matter how warped and messed up it makes me, my knees are supposed to look the same as my nine year old daughter’s.  They are supposed to look just like they did when I was 21 and 112 pounds.

They are supposed to look pre-pubescent, completely fat free, bony, and thin.

Skinny.

As an anorexic, there are a few places on your body where you can most easily judge your starvation progress.

Collar bones.  Elbows.  Wrists.  Hips, on the side, and pelvis in the front.  Pubic bone.  Ribs.  Cheekbones, jaw, chin.

And knees.Read More

08
Jul

The Body Image Project – “back up”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 8.

“Boofers.”

My sister and I call them boofers.

Boofers, as defined by my sister and myself, is the wad of fat on both sides of the back, found just above the hip and waistband, along the back rim of the pelvis.  Most women over the age of puberty have them.  I do, for sure.  You probably do, too.

Here, I’ll show you.

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I’m not sure how or when we came up with the name, but I’ve always known what they are.

ALWAYS.Read More

07
Jul

The Body Image Project – “give me any lip”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 7.

This is my beautiful Norah.  She is my first kid and my only daughter.

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Not to be all “mom” or whatever, but I think she’s gorgeous.

This is my beautiful sister.  I am older by two years.  She is prettier by two million light years.

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Do you see the resemblance between these two lovelies?

I do.  Every day.

Not only are these two ladies alike in temperament (spunky, charismatic, kind, intelligent, creative, funny, people-loving, extrovert socialites), they are alike in appearance as well.

Wide set eyes.  Dark lashes.  Pug noses, long legs, broad shoulders.

AND THE LIPS.Read More

06
Jul

The Body Image Project – “on the nose”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 6.

So THESE are my siblings.  (That’s me in the purple hair.)  The other two lovelies are my brother and sister, both younger in age.

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We are half Japanese, and between the three of us we actually fill almost every Japanese stereotype.

Wicked smart. (Sean.)
Artistically creative.  (All three of us.)
Exotic looking.  (Kari.)
Wide feet.  (ALL OF US OMG.)
Cutthroat business acumen.  (Kari and me.)
Alabaster skin.  (Me.  No, I am not wearing white pantyhose.)
Thighs like a speed skater.  (Kari, Sean.)
Good with all things electronic.  (Sean.  Wrote computer code before age 10.)
Forehead like Mt. Fuji.  (All three of us, and that actually is a compliment.)

AND

Tiny, dainty, button noses.

THOSE TWO.  NOT ME.Read More

05
Jul

The Body Image Project – “thick skin”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 5.

Deep down inside, I am a pimply fat girl.

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Although this revelation makes many (The Mr. included) roll their eyes with a deep sigh and “…um, whatever,” the pimply part is not without warrant.  From the ages of 15 through 17, and then again from 18 to 20, my skin was terrible.

Terrible, awful, no good, very bad, horrible.

I think that someone else looking at my face back then could have said “disgusting.”  I wouldn’t blame them.  It was kind of disgusting, especially if they weren’t a fan of pus or scabs.

[Ew and oh no, as I write that I cringe and shake my head.  Truth is hard sometimes.]

As life would have it, other people looking at my face back then DID say “disgusting.”Read More

05
Jul

The Body Image Project – “best foot forward”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 4.

If I had to pick one body part that caused the very most mental grief over the longest period of time, it would have to be my feet.

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I’m sure that sounds silly to some.  “They’re just FEET.”  Everyone has them.  We usually don’t notice them.  They carry us where we want to go.  They smell sometimes.  They get dirty.  They’re all up in the mess of life, literally the “boots on the ground” of our life, stepping in the shit and pushing through anyways.

Still.

For a very, very long time, I held a huge amount of shame and disgust for my feet.

Looking at them now, as an adult, I appreciate things about them.  They match.  They match each other, and they match my hands.  They are large and wide.  (You’d think that would help me fall down less, but not so much.)  They are SENSIBLE and EFFICIENT, which are two qualities I hold in high regard.

When I was a kid, though, and a very young adult, I was so ashamed of my feet.Read More

03
Jul

The Body Image Project – “mommy tummy””

Topic / The Body Image Project

Day 1.

….well, actually it’s day 3.  July 3rd.

I had fully intended on starting this project on the first day in July, to run the whole month.  Then we went out of town for a family reunion, then my week was full of crazy catch up because I was gone from all three jobs for two days, then yesterday I was filling out a deposit slip for work, looked up the date (because I had no idea what day it was), and it said “July 2.”

[“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.”]

That’s usually how it is with me.  GREAT INTENTIONS.  Pretty great planning.  Moderately acceptable execution.

Frequently drops the ball.

As an OCD-control-freak-overachiever-perfectionist, that last part grieves me.

The perfectionist part of me wants to spend the day today writing THREE articles, not just one.  Take three pictures, post three blogs, back date the first two.  Six hours later, done and done.  I’d have started on the first (even if I hadn’t), I’d be COMPLETE, the project would be whole, and when it was all over I’d have one completely intact, just-right, no-holes, no missing parts blog project.  My FIRST blog project, and it would be a roaring success.

…but then I got to thinking.

“Isn’t that expectation of perfection the problem I’ve got with my body in the first place?”Read More

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