18
Mar

How To Be a Lady – 21 Lost Ladylike Behaviors That We Really Need Today

Topic / love and relationships

Last week I read an article titled “21 Gentleman Traditions That Still Apply Today.”

Being self-appointed Internet Accuracy Police (especially on the days that start with p-week), I thought “Huh. We’ll just see about that.”

I read it. I agreed with all 21 points. I agreed so much, in fact, I may have swooned. The points of manliness discussed were accurate and absolute truth, and I wish the man I love (who is already great) would do a few more of them.

Not to be outdone, and as an advocate for the abolition of hypocrisy, I thought it would be best to create a complimentary list for us women. A list that teaches us to be more than what we are, by being everything we used to be. A list that encourages us to become a complimentary counterpart to the masculine companionship we desire, and challenges us to be better.

This is an article about being a lady, a woman who exhibits traits of self-respect, politeness, culture, decor, propriety, respect, manners, modesty, and elegance.

old_fashioned_woman_by_audraw

21 Lost Ladylike Behaviors That We Really Need Today

1. She accepts chivalry.
When a man (or anyone) opens the door for her, she accepts it as a gesture of kindness and says “Thank you.” She does not read into it, assume he’s trying to make her look bad, take it as an implication of stupidity, or believe he’s trying to prove that she’s weak. Men are created to fight for a treasure and then keep it safe. She wants to be a treasure, so she acts like one.Read More

05
Aug

The Body Image Project – “chicken legs”

Topic / The Body Image Project

August 5.

So, I’ve got long legs.

I’ve got REALLY long legs.  For my height, 29.7″ is the average inseam length.

Mine is 34″.

[And because I know you’ll ask, average inseam for a female is about 45% of her total height.  I am 66″ tall, .45 x 66 = 29.7″.  I geek out now.  Math is good.]

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last month thinking about my body.  I’ve dissected it apart, taken photographs, talked about all the things I’ve found.  I’ve done some great introspection as to the parts of me I don’t like, and I’ve learned more about why I don’t like those parts.

For the most part, the only parts of me that are left to talk about are the ones I actually like.

As it turns out, writing and examining the parts of me I like is almost harder than dealing with the parts I don’t.

I would guess that for most of us habitual body-haters, talking about our good parts is hard.  I spent a lot of years hating myself, and during the darkest parts of self-disgust I did not one time praise myself for my …well, for anything.

Why is that, do you think?  Why do we do that?

I’m sure I could have found SOMETHING nice to say about myself.  I’m sure, if I’d looked, I would have found one physical attribute to praise.

I didn’t even look.

I didn’t even TRY.Read More

22
Jul

The Body Image Project – “baby cows”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 22.

Of all the parts of my body, my legs take the cake for confidence.

I have always liked my legs.

Also, saying that out loud feels weird.

Culturally speaking, we women have been taught (we have taught us, sadface) that talking about ourselves in a positive way is a no no.

…well, wait.  FIRST we’re not supposed to talk about ourselves at all.  Not directly, anyways.  We can talk about how we react to those around us, but not JUST us.  SECOND, we’re supposed to talk about everyone else.  And what they’re doing and who they’re with and how they parent their kids and how fat they got after the baby, and who their husband is sleeping with and how unhappy the marriage is and how bad their cooking is and every other negative we can think about someone else so we feel better.

THEN, finally, if we run out of things to talk about, before our conversation with whoever-it-is-whatever-person slips into scary silence, we talk about ourselves.

When we do, we’re supposed to pull ourselves apart.

SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE:  LAUNCH.Read More

11
Jul

The Body Image Project – “face forward”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 10.

I can honestly say, of all the photos and body parts examined during The Body Image Project, this post makes me the most nervous.

I don’t want to write it.

I REALLY don’t want to take the picture.

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point in the past 15 years my face changed shape.

It is now completely, 100% NOT symmetrical.

20150710_170742

As a perfectionist, THIS DRIVES ME INSANE.

As a woman, this makes me feel absolutely unattractive.

As a used-to-be-victim of serious, severe acne, this reinforces the conviction “don’t ever let anyone see your face ever again, HIDE THAT SHIT.”

I wish I could express to you the level of anxiety I feel when I look at that picture.  We’ve worked through skin and lips in The Body Image Project, so I’m (kind of, more every day) okay with those aspects of my face, but still.

I don’t just feel anxious, I feel FEAR.

Legitimate, deep-seated, borderline panic.Read More

05
Feb

How to Love Your Body – See it Inside Out

Topic / mental health, The Body Image Project

Imagine that your life is a road.

Whether long and winding or short and straight, your life is a road, complete with switchbacks, pit stops, mountains, bridges, crossroads, trial, trouble, and adventure.

On this road, to get from here to the end, you are given one car.  Just one, and you must drive.  You cannot walk, and you don’t get to pick the car you get.  Make, model, color, size, quality, seating capacity, cupholders.  You get what is decided for you.

You set out on your journey, face forward, peering intently through the windshield.  You are excited!  The road of life is good.  Your soul is full of hope and promise, “because ROAD TRIP,” and your heart leaps at every single magnificent view as you pass it by.  You see amazing things, you feel amazing things, you overcome obstacles in the road in an amazing way.

At the beginning of your journey and well into the middle, your car is like-new and reliable.  It turns when you tell it to turn, when your feet reflect the speed of your heart and push the pedal down, the car speeds up and slows down as you’d expect.  You sometimes have a few hiccups because of required maintenance, but the car gives back to you what you put into it.  When you take care of the car, it takes care of you.

And so you drive.
Read More

19
Aug

Stained Does Not Mean Unclean… Healing After Sexual Assault

Topic / mental health

I’ve been keeping an ugly secret since I was six years old.

I kept quiet for a lot of reasons, the biggest being shame.  MY shame.  I am ashamed of myself, ashamed of the circumstances I allowed myself to be in, ashamed of my stains.  It’s never a fun thing to admit that you’ve made a mistake, even if the mistake wasn’t completely your fault.  The secrets I keep have enveloped me in shame for all of my life.  In fact, shame has been a fundamental part of my emotional make up for so long that I don’t really even notice that it’s there anymore.  I ALWAYS feel shame.  Humiliating, shoulder drooping, brow beating shame is just a part of my everyday self.

I think the second reason I’ve kept my disgusting secrets is to protect people.  To protect myself, of course, from the shame I just talked about and from punishment for my actions, but also to protect the people I feel I’m supposed to protect.  Namely my family.  My parents.  My parents, and the people my parents care about.

If they ever find this blog post online….   Sorry Mom.  For being stained, and for being damaged.  And for failing to be everything I could have been.  And Dad, please don’t kill anyone.  I know you’ll want to, and that’s okay.  It just means you love me.
Read More

08
Jul

What Does the Voice in Your Head Tell You? Discipline Your Inner Voice

Topic / mental health

I have voices in my head.

I think that makes me weird, and honestly I’m okay with that.  The Voices keep life interesting.  Their presence also makes me somewhat unique, if in no other way than the voices themselves are unique.

For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me.  I never really mentioned the Voices for fear of judgment, worry that no one will believe me, and (the biggest issue) lack of trust that anyone could possibly understand.  I don’t talk about the Voices with friends or at parties.  I don’t tell anyone that “the Voices helped me figure this out.”  The fact I HAVE Voices is permanently added to the list of “things you do not mention on the first date.”

It’s an act of consideration, really… I try to be fair and not creep people out.  Most would have a hard time understanding that my “sitting quietly and thinking” time is less like a single chair in an empty room, and more like a family meeting.  With eight people attending.  And they all have strong opinions, they all “know what’s best,” most of them dislike one another, and most of the time they’re fighting about something stupid.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve become more comfortable talking about the voices.  I think partly that’s due to being more comfortable with myself, my reality, and the cards I’ve been dealt, but even more than that my comfort level can be attributed to realizing just how much The Voices are a part of who I am.  I’ve learned a lot about myself and the world while listening to their dialogue.  They also help me to analyze all sides of a problem, to see multiple perspectives.  I’ve solved COUNTLESS problems that seemed impossible to resolve by letting The Erins argue it out during my otherwise preoccupied hours.

Over the last couple years I’ve learned to distinguish and identify the voices.  I read somewhere that having voices in your head is fairly normal, and you’re not really crazy unless you NAME THEM.  I totally named them.  Label me as you see fit because of it, but having named them helps me a lot to understand from which part of myself the thoughts are coming from.  I’m able to identify WHO is talking, to decide how much weight to give what is said, and what thoughts to dismiss when I hear things that aren’t productive or uplifting.

And now I’d like to introduce you to them.

Read More

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