perfection Archives - DepthDepth

I am a control freak. I am also a recovering addict. (These two things are not mutually exclusive.)

They say the first step of the 12 Steps is the hardest one. They aren’t kidding.

“I admit that I am powerless over my addiction, that my life has become unmanageable.”

So far, I have leaned back into Step 1 no less than 138 times. I have to continually revisit it, remind myself of it every day. After that much practice, you’d think it would get easier.

It does, but not a whole lot.

Not one time have I recited step one that it doesn’t pinch a little bit.

I hate being powerless. I hate being not in control.

As I’ve learned (and still learn every day), control is a paradox. It contradicts itself. The more you try to have it, the less of it you have. What you attempt to control soon controls you, dominating your thoughts and feelings and life.Read More

July 4.

If I had to pick one body part that caused the very most mental grief over the longest period of time, it would have to be my feet.

I’m sure that sounds silly to some. “They’re just FEET.” Everyone has them. We usually don’t notice them. They carry us where we want to go. They smell sometimes. They get dirty. They’re all up in the mess of life, literally the “boots on the ground” of our life, stepping in the shit and pushing through anyways.

Still.

For a very, very long time, I held a huge amount of shame and disgust for my feet.

Looking at them now, as an adult, I appreciate things about them. They match. They match each other, and they match my hands. They are large and wide. (You’d think that would help me fall down less, but not so much.) They are SENSIBLE and EFFICIENT, which are two qualities I hold in high regard.

When I was a kid, though, and a very young adult, I was so ashamed of my feet.Read More

Control is Feeding Your Food Addiction – a mental path to recovery

Topic / addiction and recovery, disordered eating, mental health

The Body Image Project – “best foot forward”

Topic / The Body Image Project

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