11
Jul

The Body Image Project – “face forward”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 10.

I can honestly say, of all the photos and body parts examined during The Body Image Project, this post makes me the most nervous.

I don’t want to write it.

I REALLY don’t want to take the picture.

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point in the past 15 years my face changed shape.

It is now completely, 100% NOT symmetrical.

20150710_170742

As a perfectionist, THIS DRIVES ME INSANE.

As a woman, this makes me feel absolutely unattractive.

As a used-to-be-victim of serious, severe acne, this reinforces the conviction “don’t ever let anyone see your face ever again, HIDE THAT SHIT.”

I wish I could express to you the level of anxiety I feel when I look at that picture.  We’ve worked through skin and lips in The Body Image Project, so I’m (kind of, more every day) okay with those aspects of my face, but still.

I don’t just feel anxious, I feel FEAR.

Legitimate, deep-seated, borderline panic.Read More

08
Jul

The Body Image Project – “back up”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 8.

“Boofers.”

My sister and I call them boofers.

Boofers, as defined by my sister and myself, is the wad of fat on both sides of the back, found just above the hip and waistband, along the back rim of the pelvis.  Most women over the age of puberty have them.  I do, for sure.  You probably do, too.

Here, I’ll show you.

20150708_154657

I’m not sure how or when we came up with the name, but I’ve always known what they are.

ALWAYS.Read More

07
Jul

The Body Image Project – “give me any lip”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 7.

This is my beautiful Norah.  She is my first kid and my only daughter.

283067_2288922664185_1356657_n

Not to be all “mom” or whatever, but I think she’s gorgeous.

This is my beautiful sister.  I am older by two years.  She is prettier by two million light years.

168658_10150127904603162_6962418_n

Do you see the resemblance between these two lovelies?

I do.  Every day.

Not only are these two ladies alike in temperament (spunky, charismatic, kind, intelligent, creative, funny, people-loving, extrovert socialites), they are alike in appearance as well.

Wide set eyes.  Dark lashes.  Pug noses, long legs, broad shoulders.

AND THE LIPS.Read More

06
Jul

The Body Image Project – “on the nose”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 6.

So THESE are my siblings.  (That’s me in the purple hair.)  The other two lovelies are my brother and sister, both younger in age.

10509553_10100420010702373_7629034695922317262_n (1)

We are half Japanese, and between the three of us we actually fill almost every Japanese stereotype.

Wicked smart. (Sean.)
Artistically creative.  (All three of us.)
Exotic looking.  (Kari.)
Wide feet.  (ALL OF US OMG.)
Cutthroat business acumen.  (Kari and me.)
Alabaster skin.  (Me.  No, I am not wearing white pantyhose.)
Thighs like a speed skater.  (Kari, Sean.)
Good with all things electronic.  (Sean.  Wrote computer code before age 10.)
Forehead like Mt. Fuji.  (All three of us, and that actually is a compliment.)

AND

Tiny, dainty, button noses.

THOSE TWO.  NOT ME.Read More

05
Jul

The Body Image Project – “thick skin”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 5.

Deep down inside, I am a pimply fat girl.

20150705_124430

Although this revelation makes many (The Mr. included) roll their eyes with a deep sigh and “…um, whatever,” the pimply part is not without warrant.  From the ages of 15 through 17, and then again from 18 to 20, my skin was terrible.

Terrible, awful, no good, very bad, horrible.

I think that someone else looking at my face back then could have said “disgusting.”  I wouldn’t blame them.  It was kind of disgusting, especially if they weren’t a fan of pus or scabs.

[Ew and oh no, as I write that I cringe and shake my head.  Truth is hard sometimes.]

As life would have it, other people looking at my face back then DID say “disgusting.”Read More

05
Jul

The Body Image Project – “best foot forward”

Topic / The Body Image Project

July 4.

If I had to pick one body part that caused the very most mental grief over the longest period of time, it would have to be my feet.

20150704_180642

I’m sure that sounds silly to some.  “They’re just FEET.”  Everyone has them.  We usually don’t notice them.  They carry us where we want to go.  They smell sometimes.  They get dirty.  They’re all up in the mess of life, literally the “boots on the ground” of our life, stepping in the shit and pushing through anyways.

Still.

For a very, very long time, I held a huge amount of shame and disgust for my feet.

Looking at them now, as an adult, I appreciate things about them.  They match.  They match each other, and they match my hands.  They are large and wide.  (You’d think that would help me fall down less, but not so much.)  They are SENSIBLE and EFFICIENT, which are two qualities I hold in high regard.

When I was a kid, though, and a very young adult, I was so ashamed of my feet.Read More

03
Jul

The Body Image Project – “mommy tummy””

Topic / The Body Image Project

Day 1.

….well, actually it’s day 3.  July 3rd.

I had fully intended on starting this project on the first day in July, to run the whole month.  Then we went out of town for a family reunion, then my week was full of crazy catch up because I was gone from all three jobs for two days, then yesterday I was filling out a deposit slip for work, looked up the date (because I had no idea what day it was), and it said “July 2.”

[“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.”]

That’s usually how it is with me.  GREAT INTENTIONS.  Pretty great planning.  Moderately acceptable execution.

Frequently drops the ball.

As an OCD-control-freak-overachiever-perfectionist, that last part grieves me.

The perfectionist part of me wants to spend the day today writing THREE articles, not just one.  Take three pictures, post three blogs, back date the first two.  Six hours later, done and done.  I’d have started on the first (even if I hadn’t), I’d be COMPLETE, the project would be whole, and when it was all over I’d have one completely intact, just-right, no-holes, no missing parts blog project.  My FIRST blog project, and it would be a roaring success.

…but then I got to thinking.

“Isn’t that expectation of perfection the problem I’ve got with my body in the first place?”Read More

30
Jun

5 Tips to Setting Great Weight Loss Goals

Topic / mental health

I consider myself to be an expert-level goal setter.

This makes me sound arrogant and kind of like an asshole, but it’s true.

I’m not super good at a lot of stuff.  I can’t dance to save my life.  I can’t twerk (my kids groan when I try, and I threw my back out once).  I can’t sing well, so I make up for lack of pitch with volume.  I can’t lie without twitching and folding (horrible at poker), I don’t play a musical instrument, I don’t sit still long enough to tolerate knitting, cross stitch, or crochet.

GOALS, though.  I can do goals.

As a go-big-or-go-home kind of person, I LIKE goals.  Goals get me efficiently where I want to go.  I like BIG goals.  I like setting a goal that makes me a little bit afraid, because I know I’m going to have to dig deep to crush it.  I have a pretty active and brilliant imagination, so the goals I come up with in my head are quite detailed.

And, as far as execution goes, I almost always hit the goals I set for myself.  I can’t remember the last time I set a goal and didn’t accomplish it.  My cycle of success is (finally) established, and I don’t fail often.

EXCEPT WITH WEIGHT LOSS.Read More

27
Mar

How to Eat Healthy as an Anorexic Bulimic – 3 Tips for Eating Like a Normal Person

Topic / disordered eating

No, this is not a “how to” article on starving and binging.

[I can hear you now, with either a nervous or nonchalant laugh.  “Oh haha… yeah, I figured.”]

Except if you’re anything like me, you would have read the title of this article and said “OHMYGOODNESS REALLY?!  I CAN DO BOTH?!”

Yeah, no.  You can’t.

Believe me.  I’ve tried.

Until very (very very very) recently, I have always TRIED to do both.

Me Out Loud:  “I want to be healthy, and I want to eat healthy.”

Me In My Head and Guts Whisper Voice:  “…while starving and binge eating whenever I want.”

OH I TRIED SO HARD TO DO BOTH.  And it never worked, and I always ended up sad, frustrated, angry, and softer around the middle than when I started.

I have tried every diet.  Every program.  Every tracking system, every food journal portion method pie chart food scale perception shift food focus known to all the humans EVER, and I just couldn’t do it.  No matter what I did, I could not stick to anything.

I couldn’t remove the emotional pull of Ana and The Binge Monster from my every day food intake.  Read More

06
Mar

How to Love My Body, Without Fight or Flight

Topic / disordered eating

Today was shower day.

I hate shower day.

I have been an anorexic, bulimic, body dysmorphic for as long as I can remember.  I remember intentionally overeating at my seventh birthday.  I remember testing to see how long I could go without food when I was eight, faking a stomach ache to ensure I wouldn’t have to eat dinner.  I remember hating my body before I even knew what all my parts were for, feeling fat inside my still-from-the-little-girls-section jeans.

The sexual abuse started at age six.

The physical abuse started at age seven.

The scars and stains that you cannot see, the ones I’m JUST NOW starting to see myself, are still there.

I really, really, REALLY hate shower day.

On shower day, I have to get naked.  Despite every attempt to the contrary, I have to strip off all my clothes and spend a good ten minutes with my own skin.  I have to look at my body (all of it), I have to touch my body (ALL OF IT), and for that showery, shivery ten minutes I am unable to hide from what I know is there, but what I so very much do not want to see.

Ugly, fat, gross, hated, disgusting, stretched, flawed, dimpled, brokenness.
Read More

Search

CATAGORIES

Popular

RECENT

Feeling worthless and empty?

Dive in and get the first eBook, FREE.

peternak hebat Download Rpp dan Silabus Leh Uga Download Lagu Kay Mp3 Kay Media Hosting Murah