27
Mar

How to Eat Healthy as an Anorexic Bulimic – 3 Tips for Eating Like a Normal Person

Topic / disordered eating

No, this is not a “how to” article on starving and binging.

[I can hear you now, with either a nervous or nonchalant laugh.  “Oh haha… yeah, I figured.”]

Except if you’re anything like me, you would have read the title of this article and said “OHMYGOODNESS REALLY?!  I CAN DO BOTH?!”

Yeah, no.  You can’t.

Believe me.  I’ve tried.

Until very (very very very) recently, I have always TRIED to do both.

Me Out Loud:  “I want to be healthy, and I want to eat healthy.”

Me In My Head and Guts Whisper Voice:  “…while starving and binge eating whenever I want.”

OH I TRIED SO HARD TO DO BOTH.  And it never worked, and I always ended up sad, frustrated, angry, and softer around the middle than when I started.

I have tried every diet.  Every program.  Every tracking system, every food journal portion method pie chart food scale perception shift food focus known to all the humans EVER, and I just couldn’t do it.  No matter what I did, I could not stick to anything.

I couldn’t remove the emotional pull of Ana and The Binge Monster from my every day food intake.  Read More

06
Mar

How to Love My Body, Without Fight or Flight

Topic / disordered eating

Today was shower day.

I hate shower day.

I have been an anorexic, bulimic, body dysmorphic for as long as I can remember.  I remember intentionally overeating at my seventh birthday.  I remember testing to see how long I could go without food when I was eight, faking a stomach ache to ensure I wouldn’t have to eat dinner.  I remember hating my body before I even knew what all my parts were for, feeling fat inside my still-from-the-little-girls-section jeans.

The sexual abuse started at age six.

The physical abuse started at age seven.

The scars and stains that you cannot see, the ones I’m JUST NOW starting to see myself, are still there.

I really, really, REALLY hate shower day.

On shower day, I have to get naked.  Despite every attempt to the contrary, I have to strip off all my clothes and spend a good ten minutes with my own skin.  I have to look at my body (all of it), I have to touch my body (ALL OF IT), and for that showery, shivery ten minutes I am unable to hide from what I know is there, but what I so very much do not want to see.

Ugly, fat, gross, hated, disgusting, stretched, flawed, dimpled, brokenness.
Read More

23
Feb

How to Set Weight Loss Goals You’ll Actually Hit – No More Crash Diets

Topic / disordered eating, The Body Image Project

In my life, I have set goals no less than one hundred thousand times.

That sounds like an exaggeration, but I’m not kidding.  One hundred thousand times.  At least 33 years, times 365 days, times 10 goals a day.  That’s at least 122,275 goals in my life.  (and yes, i did the math. i heart math.)

I was born a chronic overachiever perfectionist.  And, like most overachiever perfectionists, goal setting is in my nature.  I set goals for EVERYTHING.  How much I’m going to eat, and by when.  How much I’m going to weigh, and by when.  How many workouts this week, and how much weight for each exercise.  How many books I’ll read this month, and what kind of books, and how many words.  What classes I’ll be able to take.  What grades I’ll get in those classes.  What time I’ll get to bed.  When I’ll get up.  What time the kids will do which things.  What I’ll do for a job next year, and how much I’ll make, and when I’ll get my next promotion, and what tasks I’ll complete by when in order to get it.

For most (normal, not control freak, not obsessive) people, that probably sounds exhausting.

To be honest, sometimes even for me it IS exhausting, but it’s what I do.  I love goals.  I live for and through my goals.
Read More

05
Feb

How to Love Your Body – See it Inside Out

Topic / mental health, The Body Image Project

Imagine that your life is a road.

Whether long and winding or short and straight, your life is a road, complete with switchbacks, pit stops, mountains, bridges, crossroads, trial, trouble, and adventure.

On this road, to get from here to the end, you are given one car.  Just one, and you must drive.  You cannot walk, and you don’t get to pick the car you get.  Make, model, color, size, quality, seating capacity, cupholders.  You get what is decided for you.

You set out on your journey, face forward, peering intently through the windshield.  You are excited!  The road of life is good.  Your soul is full of hope and promise, “because ROAD TRIP,” and your heart leaps at every single magnificent view as you pass it by.  You see amazing things, you feel amazing things, you overcome obstacles in the road in an amazing way.

At the beginning of your journey and well into the middle, your car is like-new and reliable.  It turns when you tell it to turn, when your feet reflect the speed of your heart and push the pedal down, the car speeds up and slows down as you’d expect.  You sometimes have a few hiccups because of required maintenance, but the car gives back to you what you put into it.  When you take care of the car, it takes care of you.

And so you drive.
Read More

03
Dec

Three Lies Women Believe That Ruin Their Lives – Identifying Half-Truths

Topic / mental health

You’re being lied to.

[“No, no, no, no one is lying to me.  The people in my life tell me the truth.”]

You spoke up quick!  I’m so glad.  How have you been?    ….but yeah no.  You’re being lied to, and a lot.  People tell you lies all the time, and some of them are big ones.

[“…well, I guess people tell me white lies sometimes, but just to make me feel better, or to keep me safe, or because they love me.  I do it too sometimes.  Those don’t really count.”]

Yes, they do count.  And YES, you do it too, and way more than “sometimes.”

Whether disguised as half-truths or white lies, lies are still lies.  They still count.

Sometimes we tell ourselves lies because we need to feel better.  We  intentionally convince ourselves of something that isn’t true, because dealing with the lie is way more palatable.  “These pants are tight, I must be bloated from p-week.”  (Couldn’t have anything to do with the family size bag of –itos I ate for lunch yesterday, but whatever.)  Sometimes we don’t THINK we’re lying, but we purposefully avoid facing something we don’t want to acknowledge.  Avoiding truth is still lying.  “She’s my MOM, I know she loves me.”  (Nevermind that you feel sick dread before you see her, she drags you through the ringer when she’s with you, and you feel like crap for days after you’ve visited.)

When it comes to truth and lies, there is no middle ground.  Things are TRUE, or they’re not.
Read More

25
Nov

Ten Rules for Making Change in your Home and Marriage – “How to Forge Depth”

Topic / love and relationships

When you walk into your home at the end of the day, how does it feel?  Are you happy to be there?  When you’re at work, do you feel excited to return home to your family, or do you wish you could stretch your day a little longer?

Not so long ago, I lived in some pretty crappy conditions.  The house I lived in was quite nice; it had a yard for the kids to play in, there was comfy furniture in the living area and the kitchen was well lit.  I’m a neatfreak, so the house was always clean, and there were plenty of shelves and closets to tuck away our belongings.  All in all, the physical state of our home was great.

Still, it was crappy.

Although the house itself and our living space was comfortable, my home was not.  There were some people living in my space that changed the culture of our home, and the culture was almost total crap.

I hated coming home.

“Home” is not the building you live in, or the space you occupy.  “Home” is made up of the people inside, and of the relationships between those people.  Collectively, the relationships in your home define your home’s culture.  The culture of your home can be good or bad, positive or negative, common or foreign, but it is as unique as the people that create it.
Read More

29
Oct

How To Make It Never Your Fault – The Rule of Accountability

Topic / mental health

blog - never my fault

When I was a kid, I was raised with pretty simple ideals.

Be polite.  Be real.  Focus only on things that make you better, things that expand your mind, and things that are a good use of your time.  Tell the truth.  Be kind.   Say what you mean, and mean what you say.  Do what you say you’re going to do, even when it’s hard, even when no one is watching.  Fulfill your commitments.  Be on time.  Watch your words, for the words you speak decide for others who you are.  Be responsible for yourself.  Pick up your own mess.  Dress in a way that exemplifies your character.  Leave everything better than how you found it.  Stand up for yourself.  Stand up for others.  Life is 10% what happens and 90% how we react to it.  Choose  a positive attitude.  Treat others with love, grace, and respect, no matter what.

SIMPLE.  Good.  All good things.  All good ideas, all good beliefs.  If I were to read you these ideals one at a time, I doubt you’d have a problem with any of them.  These are the kinds of things we raise our kids to believe, the personality and character traits we hope others see in us.  When I die, I want people to say I did all these things.

Except now, it seems to me that life and relationships are getting way more complicated.

As dumb as it is, these simple ideals all have caveats.  Conditionals.  Every single one of them has an “except” added to it.
Read More

24
Oct

Be Strong for your Break-Up – Finding Courage When the End is Near

Topic / love and relationships

Everything dies.

EVERYTHING.

[I can hear you now.  “Wow, THAT’S depressing.  I don’t like to think about dying.”]

Yeah, me neither.  But it happens, and it happens to EVERYTHING.

TV shows.  My Space.  The last job you had, for you right now, is dead.  Our relationships.  People we love.  Friendships.  Lovers.  Homes, families.  Marriages.  Careers.  Fame, celebrity status, talents, skills, physical abilities.  Mental capacity.  All things have their seasons, and for any single thing under the sun there is a time for it to live, and a time for it to die.

[“Yeah, I’m officially depressed.  Thanks a lot.”]

ME TOO.  Sorry.  But keep reading.  It gets better.
Read More

08
Oct

How To Keep Your Man – Being A 1950’s Wife

Topic / love and relationships

I wonder how many women will be pissed off before they even start reading this article.

A lot, I’d wager.  MOST.

How about I throw this picture in here too, just to get the GRRRR out all at once?

Don't say "NOPE" until you read the rest....

Don’t say “NOPE” until you read the rest….

[I can hear you now.  Go ahead, just yell.  It’s okay.  Get it out.]

“WHAT THE HELL, I DO NOT NEED TO BE **THAT** IN ORDER TO KEEP MY MAN.  THOSE WOMEN WERE IDIOTS, LETTING MEN TREAT THEM LIKE THAT.  I AM BETTER THAN THAT.  WE ARE BETTER THAN THAT.  WE SUBMIT TO NO ONE, WE ARE WOMEN, WE WILL ROAR!”

I know how you feel.  Really, I do.
Read More

01
Oct

To My Spectacular Norah D

Topic / love and relationships, parenting and leadership

To My Dearest Norah D,

Today you turn nine.

When I decided to write you this letter, I had intended on making a list of all the things I love about you.  I thought about what kind of girl you are, and what kind of woman you will become.  I thought about all the things that make you great:  your sense of humor, your sense of style, the way you make friends so easily, your kindness and compassion and fierce loyalty to the people you love.  There is no doubt that you are an amazing girl and a wonderful person, and if I DID make a list of your Greatness the list would be long.  I just love you so much, and I am so proud of you.

Once I started writing, though, telling you about your great qualities was not quite enough.
Read More

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